When Wisdom Is Not So Wise
by Archel-Always
Summary: "Lets get something straight. Noah "Puck" Puckerman isn't scared of anything. Seriously." A tale in which Puck gets his wisdom teeth taken out. Hard T rating.


**I wrote this for a prompt over at the PuckRachel Drabble Meme. I tried to make it funny, hopefully I succeeded. Hope you like it!**

 **Please review! Reviews make me happy!**

 **PROMPT:**

 _Puck gets his wisdom teeth taken out and Rachel has to drive him home._

Lets get something straight. Noah "Puck" Puckerman isn't scared of anything. Seriously. One time he was banging some hot, blonde Cheerio and her dad caught them when he was fucking her from behind. Getting caught while screwing some dude's daughter is one thing, but getting caught screwing some dude's daughter and _defiling her_ in the Doggystyle position whilst holding onto her hair like a leash – that's the worst way to get caught having sex by a girl's dad. Puck was gone and jumping out of the window, clothes in hand, before the old guy could beat the shit out of him. The house was _two stories_.

Yeah. He was fucking bad-ass.

Now, if there _was_ something Puck would be scared of – which he totally fucking wasn't, okay? – it would be the dentist. Don't fucking laugh at him either, that shit's terrifying. You walk in there and there are all these torture tools on this metal slate thing and it looks like one of those rooms from 'Saw'. He got shivers just thinking about it.

So, when his back teeth started hurting like hell one day during lunch, he ignored that shit. It, of course, eventually got worse and it was getting harder to hide from his mom. Being the observant, Jewish mother that she was, Aviva Puckerman noticed.

It was at dinner one night and they were eating some Chinese take-out – 'cause that shit's the bomb – and he was chewing carefully, but when he bit into his sweet n' sour pork, he bit down right on one of the teeth that had been hurting and cried out in pain. That was when he knew he'd been caught. Puck had just looked at his mother guiltily, right hand holding his cheek. She'd just shook her head and crossed her arms. She made an appointment with his dentist the next day for that Saturday. He didn't even get to get out of school for that shit, but whatever. You better believe he was milking the fuck out of it that coming Monday. He was gonna at least get one day off. He deserves it for being put through all of this trauma.

(He wasn't scared. He _wasn't._ Fuck you.)

Aviva woke him up on Saturday, bright and early at 8:00 A.M. _Eight fucking A.M._

This had to be some sort of fucked up child abuse.

Puck had gotten up, begrudgingly, grumbling about how he hated his life and wondering if the big guy upstairs had it out for him.

They rode to the dentist's office in silence. Mainly because he wasn't in the mood to talk to the one woman he had fucking _trusted_ who was sending him to the dogs. No, not the dogs. The fucking _Hell hounds._ His sweet Jewish mother was sending him to the Hounds of Hell. What kind of good, self-proclaimed Jew does that shit? Oh, yeah. Noah Puckerman's fucking mom, that's who.

Puck moodily got out of the car when she pulled to a stop at the front entrance of one of his own personal Hells. He closed the door and she rolled down the window.

"I know you don't like the dentist, bubbala, and I know you're upset with me for making you come here, but I'm only doing this for your own good. If you don't get your wisdom teeth out now, it will not turn out good for you in the future. I'm going to run some errands at the hospital, but I'll be here in about two hours to pick you up, okay?"

Puck stubbornly wanted to stay mad at her, but his mom looked like she genuinely felt bad for putting him through this shit, so his cold eyes softened and he smiled solemnly, nodding his head like the good Jewish mama's boy that he was. Only she could soften him like that so easily. Well, her and...Rachel.

Shut up. Rachel's cool when she wants to be and she's kind of the only person in his life that actually thinks he can make something of himself and get out of this shitty ass town. Don't get him wrong, he knows his mom loves him, but he can see it in her eyes sometimes. She'd resigned a long time ago to the belief that he wasn't doing anything special with his life after high school and it fucking bothers him. He loves his ma and he hates that he puts that look in her eyes. The look that lets him know she doesn't believe in him.

But Rachel, she gives him this... _look_ when he does something she's proud of and he fucking _loves it._ No one's ever looked at him like that before, like he's the best guy in the world.

He really wished he hadn't given up on getting into her pants so easily when she broke up with him the year before.

Puck watched as his mom drove away and sighed. Time for Hell.

Rachel rushed into the dentist's office, fiddling with her keys. She walked up to the front desk and said anxiously, "I'm here for Noah Puckerman, his mother sent me because she got held up at work. Is the dentist done?"

The young woman at the desk nodded and smiled. "Yes, he's in room three. Just go right on in and get him."

Rachel nodded and went to leave, but the woman stopped her.

"You're a lucky girl to have a boyfriend that cute," she said, winking.

Rachel just gave her a confused look.

The girl laughed and grinned at her. "He keeps mentioning you. Well, I'm assuming it's you. He was talking earlier about a girl named Rachel."

"O-Oh...Yes. That's me..." she replied awkwardly, trying to push down the warm feeling she got from hearing that he had been talking about her, even if he was heavily medicated and had no clue what he was talking about. She pointed her thumb over her shoulder toward the hall where the procedure rooms were. "I'm just gonna...go, uh, get him."

Blushing, Rachel turned and went down the hallway. Reaching room three, she knocked on the door and opened it when she heard a "come in". She walked in slowly, not sure what Noah was going to be like when he was "high" on anesthetic. Puck turned around and smiled widely, the cotton on each side of his mouth very visible. Oh, Lord.

"Rachel!" he exclaimed happily – and loudly – and turned toward the amused doctor. "That's Rachel! I knew she was coming. How did I know she was coming?" He looked thoughtful for a second and his glassy eyes grew serious. "I'm a wizard."

The doctor laughed and handed Rachel a list of things to help Puck heal. "These are just things that will help if he's in pain and it tells you the kind of foods he can eat, stuff like that," he said, handing her another slip of paper with the prescription for his pain medication on it. "If he gets a fever or the pain and swelling doesn't get better within a few days, bring him here as soon as possible."

"Fuckin' Harry Potter up in this bish..."

Rachel nodded, glancing at Puck worriedly. "Is he gonna be alright? He has an irrational fear of the dentist and I don't want him to be in pain or else he'll never come back."

"Yeah, he'll be fine," he laughed, looking at Puck, who was currently staring at his hands like he'd never seen them before. "Isn't that right, big guy?"

"There are little people on my hands," he whispered, wiggling his fingers. "Where did they come from?"

"He's all yours."

Rachel walked up Puck and gingerly helped him stand. She smiled softly at him. "Come on, Noah. I'm going to take you home now, okay?"

He smiled a goofy grin and nodded. "Okay, sexy thang."

Apparently he still flirted even under heavy drugs.

They walked out to her car and she helped him into the passenger seat, buckling him in and walking briskly to her side. Starting the engine, she pulled out and turned onto the road.

Rachel pulled into the driveway of Puck's house and put the car in park, killing the engine.

"Alright, Noah, let's get you inside. I'm sure you're exhausted."

She got out of the car and made her way to his side, opening the door and unbuckling him. He got out slowly and she closed the door, guiding him to his front door. Using her spare key, Rachel unlocked it and pushed it open. It took some time and effort, but they eventually made it up the stairs and to his bedroom. She pulled back his duvet and settled him on his bed. She made work of pulling off his shoes and socks and pulled the covers over him. He smiled at her wistfully.

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brows when she caught his expression.

"You're such a nice Jew."

"Thank you, Noah," she giggled. He kept looking at her with this adoring expression on his face and she blushed at his staring.

"One day, I'm gonna get in your pants."

"W-What?" she sputtered. Puck grinned lazily and poked her nose.

"God told me to, silly. In a dream," he explained, like she was supposed to understand even a bit of what he was talking about. She just stared at him in bewilderment. "You look pretty in white."

He then promptly fell into a deep sleep, snoring loudly, and she was left to make sense of what he'd just told her.


End file.
